You Can't
by Victoriaaaaa
Summary: AU, Sam shows up at Andy's doorstep hours before her wedding to Luke.
1. You Can't

He debated on whether or knock or not, he knew if he did then there was no going back. He'd have to explain why he was there, at this time of night, the day before her wedding. To knock or not? He stood outside her front door, he made a fist, lifted his arm and froze. I_f I do this I am going to I have to be ready to talk, and be ready for her to slam the door in my face, or not feel the same way._ He thought.

To knock or not?

He debated again, running the many scenarios that might play out in his mind. He finally decided that the chance of her feeling the way he did, would out weight the fear he had, so he knocked. Three quick, solid knocks, before shoving his hands in his pockets and waiting.

She opened the door, in a black tank top and plaid pj shorts, "_Sam? What are you doing here, it's like..._" She trailed off, whipping her head around looking for a clock to accurately give him a time. "_It's uhhh_" He paused, looking down at his cell phone, "_It's 2:37_"

He was the last person she expected to see here, at her front door, with almost 12 hours until she walked down the isle. "_Yeah, Sam it's 2:37 am, as in really early, as in too late to be knocking on someone's doorstep, what are you doing?_" She was so confused, when she first saw him she thought something had happened to Luke or Traci, she panicked but that she realized if anything had happened he'd be there to help her get through it, just like he always was.

_"I uhhh, I needed to see you._" He said quietly, looking down at his shoes, _"I needed to talk to you, ya know?_" Still looking at the ground. He couldn't find the words, well that was a lie he could, he could think them in his head perfectly but when it came to actually saying them he froze. He was never one to truly open up to people, hell his own sister thought he was damned to a life of microwavable meals and lonely nights on the couch, falling asleep with his socks on.

He looked up at her, and looked deep in her eyes, he saw a life with her, one that included kids, park visits on Sundays, real life with her. He just had to tell her, tell her all of it, his hopes, dreams and how they all included her and if she married Luke tomorrow then all that would be impossible. _Dammit Sam just tell her_, he thought.

Andy spoke, breaking the silence that fell between them, "_And you couldn't wait until the sun was up? Or maybe just call me?_" Her confusion and lack of sleep was catching up with her. She had always felt something for Sam, it was instant and intense, but he was always pushing her back to Luke, like he wanted her to be with him. But there was always something there, but like Sam said '_it was, what it was'._

_"Sam, what are you doing **here**?_" She asked again.

_"I'm here because I needed to see it, see it for myself, see you one last time before you're Ms. Detective Luke Callaghan,_" He paused, he did need to see it, he wanted to know if there was anyway to convince her not to do it, not to go through with the wedding. "_I wanted to know why you chose him, why not me, I mean yeah I get it, I'm the serious one who disappears in the middle of the night to go undercover for months at a time, but that day you tackled me in the alley I don't know I just felt this click in my life, like I needed to go undercover so you could blow my cover.._" He trailed off, if she closed the door in his face now he'd be crashed.

"_Are you honestly standing here asking me that? You can't do that Sam, not after months of silence._" She felt cheated in a way, when he told her '_it was, what it was_' she felt that she wasn't good enough, like he could go out and find something better than her, like she was only good enough for a one night stand.

_"Well, you can be as mad, angry as you want at me but I couldn't just let you walk down the isle without telling you.."_ He trailed off again, why did he get so nervous around her when it came to talking, for a guy who went undercover for a living he sure struggled with talking to her.

"_Tell me what?_" She asked impatiently.

Well, there was two things he could say, one how he felt; for real, or two that Luke had slept with Jo.

"_You can't marry him,_" He blurted out without as so much as a thought. "B_ecause when you tackle me in that alley you fixed me, I had be searching for something and I found it the second I hit the ground and looked into your eyes. I lo-._.. "

"_Sam, stop_!" She cut him off, "_You cannot do this, you can't come to my doorstep literally hours before my wedding and tell me that I can't get married, you just can't..."_ She was couldn't believe he was doing this; now.

"_Andy..._" He said quietly, his eye glued to the floor once again.

"_Please leave_." She said quietly, her heart broke as she spoke. And she was taken back by the feeling.

_"If that's what you want, then I'm gone._" He turned around and walked away, he realized as he did he had lost her, he never really had her, and now he never will because in less than 12 hours she was going to be Ms. Luke Callaghan, and that broke his heart.

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><p>To continue or not?<p>

Let me know what you guys think..


	2. I Don't Know If I Can

**Woahhh I just wanted to thank you all for such a positive response to this idea of mine, it truly means a lot so Thank You SO Much!**  
><strong>Enjoy!<strong>

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><p>After he left, she couldn't process what had just happened. Her heart was racing, eyes watering, mind now covered in a fog, she couldn't think straight, <em>what the hell just happened?<em> She thought.

Prior to her opening her front door, she was content with her life. She was going to marry the good guy, the stable one, the detective, as apposed to Sam who was the bad ass, the UC guy, the too-cool-to-talk-about- his feelings, well until tonight when he decided to show up and throw a huge curve ball in her plans, he told her, well almost told her he loved her, before she cut him off.

What worried her the most was that she was feeling all these feelings as he told her, she knew if she was really happy with Luke she would of brushed off Sam's word, but they stuck with her like sand on wet skin, she couldn't get them out of her mind, _I couldn't just let you walk down the isle without telling you._

His words echoed in her ears, she realized that there was something there, one his end and hers, it was a sexual tension they felt at first but then it grew into something more, it grew into a comfort, he got comfortable enough to protect her at ever time of need and she got comfortable having his protection, knowing he was and would probably always be there to help her, guide her, keep her safe, even when Luke was around she felt safer with Sam.

After she shot killed that guy, she ran to Sam, not because Luke wasn't there but because he didn't make her feel safe, so, yes she went to Sam's doorstep the night of the blackout, shoved him against the wall and attacked his mouth.

Those moments were filled with so much passion and need, she needed him, she needed him to be close to her, but then the power came back, the lights turned on and she realized that she was **still** with Luke, and cheating wasn't far to him or Sam, so she left.

She tried to address it the next day, but he seemed so standoffish towards her, like it was awkward now because he got what he wanted from her, well he almost did, almost. Like he said _'it was what it was_', she tried to fight him on it but he seemed pretty convinced that it was just a moment in time, a lapse in judgement fueled by high emotions and a blackout.

And now here she was the night before her wedding, questioning the most important decision of her life. _I don't know if I can marry him,_ she thought, this was the first time since the blackout she had doubt her ability to make a choice like this. After the blackout she made a commitment to herself that she was going to put all of her energy into her relationship with Luke, but now she was starting to realize maybe she was only doing that to fight her feelings for Sam.. "_I can't marry him." _She said quietly under her breath

_Vv_

She grab her set of keys to Luke's car and walked out the door, she needed to talk to him, let him know what's going on, before she knew it she was at the front desk of the hotel asking for his room number.

Knocking on his door, she thought she'd feel the need to run, get the hell out of there, but she actually felt calm, relaxed. "_If it's room service I didn't order anything, you've got the wrong room"_, he yelled through the door. She knocked again.

He opened the door, repeating himself again, "_I didn't order anything_," his eyes widened when he saw her, "_Andy?! What are you doing here, it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding._" He backed up, and as she enter the room.

He was happy to see her but he knew something was wrong because she was 99% of the reason he had to get this hotel room.

_"Luke, we uhh we need to talk._" She said, sitting on the edge of the bed. It was awkward at first, like they each were waiting for the other one to start. "_Sam, stopped by and told me some stuff and I just needed to see you and tell you what he said._.." She trailed off, and looked down at her feet that dangled over the edge of the bed.

_"And what did our buddy, pal Swarek have to say?_" He said through his teeth, Sam and Luke never got along and when Andy came into the picture it only got worse, he thought Sam was a cocky beat cop who couldn't make any real relationship work because he was always leaving to go under, and Sam thought Luke was a self righteous prick, who wanted to be the golden boy detective, and please everyone.

_"He uhh, he told me that I couldn't marry you, along with other things_," she wanted to keep what Sam told her about his feelings, private, just between them.

Luke laughed, "_Oh yeah and why is that exactly?_" He crossed his arms as he leaned against the wall.

_"That's not why I'm here, I'm here because after he said that I started to think, think that maybe we shouldn't, you know get married, I started to question how I felt, and I know that's terrible to say but you need to know, you have a right to know because you don't deserve to go into a marriage with someone who's unsure of their feelings toward you._"

For the first time in a long time she decided to forget about what she should do, and decided to follow her heart, and her heart wasn't fully with Luke, but she cared about him enough to not let him go into a marriage with someone who wasn't all in.

_"So wait, Swarek showed up at your doorstep this late at night on the night before our wedding, and told you not to marry me for no concrete reason? Just that you shouldn't do it, so then you decided to come here and tell me you can't marry me?!_"

She could tell he was more angry than hurt, it was always a weird competition between the two of them quietly battling over anything and everything.

_"Are you two sleeping together?!_" Luke exclaimed, "_Because I choice to believe Swarek when he told me that you shut up the night of the blackout, he said that he tried and you shut him down because you really cared about me, I guess that was just a bunch of ass covering bullshit?!"_

Luke was more angry that Sam was ruining his chance at finally getting Andy, he was losing.

_"Sam told you what?_" She asked, she was so confused why was Sam doing everything in his power to push Luke and her together, taking all the blame for the blackout when it was clearly all her doing, she went to his house, she threw him against the wall, he didn't do anything except turn off all the noise after the lights came back on.

"_Well it doesn't really matter what he said to me does it because he won, he got into your head and you don't want to do this, us. You don't want to marry me so maybe you should leave, just run like you always do._" Luke had never yelled at her but in this moment he was and Andy knew he had every right to.

It felt like deja vu, Luke was asking her to leave after she was honest with him, just like she did to Sam. "_Luke the last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you, and I know it doesn't really help with what you're feeling but I'm so sorry,_" She gentle slid the ring off her finger and placed by her on the bed, rose to her feet and left.

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><p><strong>What do you guys think?<strong>


	3. Not Here, Not Now

**Thank you guys so much for your comments and reviews they make my day!**

_Vv_

After Sam left Andy's he didn't know where to go, he didn't want to go anywhere, but what he did want was alcohol and a lot of it, enough get him threw tonight and give him a hangover that would take him well into tomorrow; her wedding day.

Digging his keys out of his pocket, he hopped into his truck, in a way he hoped she would chase after him, have a moment of clarity as she saw him walk away that made her realize that she felt the same or she would be willing to at least hear him out? Anything really her chasing after him for any reason, a sign that she wasn't going to go through with it. He sat in his truck for a few minutes giving her time, he soon realized she wasn't going to chase after him because **she** asked him to leave, **she** asked him to walk away, **she** didn't want **him**.

He drove to the only place where he knew he could get absolutely hammered, the Penny. He walked into the bar, parked his ass in his usual spot, and ordered his usual, and then some.

_Vv_

Once Andy had left, he paced around the room, _there is no way Swarek was going to get away with this_. He thought, he wondered what else he said to her, to get inside her head, mess around with it.

And then it hit him, Sam must have told Andy about Luke's one night stand with Jo, why else would she call this off, she couldn't use the excuse that he cheated and she didn't because of what happened with Swarek. Luke was fuming at this point, Sam had no right to invade his personal life like this to the point where his finance was willing to call off the wedding, and Andy claiming it had absolutly nothing to do with him.

So he decided to confront him, once and for all, talk to Swarek one on one, he opted to walk to the one place he knew Sam would be; the Penny. The walk wasn't too long, it gave him enough time to collect his thoughts and figure out exactly what he was going to say.

Making his way into the Penny, he found his target sitting at the bar, along with 6 empty shot glasses, and a beer in his hand. "_Hey! Swarek! We need to have a little talk!_"

Sam turned his head to see the voice yelling at him was Luke, _oh this is about to get interesting,_ he thought. "_Well, well, well if it isn't the one and only Mr. Luke Callaghan everybody!_" he paused as he stood up, using the chair for balance. "_Hey Golden Boy don't you have a wedding to rest up for?_" He said sarcastically.

_"Oh come on Swarek! You've never been one to play dumb, I know you went to see her, and I know what you said._" Luke yelled, stepping closer to Sam.

Sam laughed, "_Luke, my dear friend I have no idea what you're talking about so how about you turn around and walk out of this fine establishment, go get your beauty sleep, you do have your big day tomorrow after all_." Just thinking about Andy's wedding to someone that wasn't to him made his stomach flip, and his mind spin, or maybe it was the alcohol that was making the room spin?

_"You bastard!_" Luke yelled, right before he took his fist and punched it against Sam's eye, he snapped it was like Sam was rubbing in the fact he wasn't getting married to Andy. Sam stubbed backward towards the bar.

Grabbing his eye, Sam used the bar to stabilize himself yet again, "_Okay pretty boy I'm going to give you another chance to leave this place before we have a far fight. Get. The. Hell. Out. Now."_ He said sternly

_"Ohh No, I'm not done with you Swarek, I can't believe that you would tell her, well actually I can, you've always been jealous that I got her and you didn't. But to run to her and be a little bitch, was low even for you Sammy boy._" In hindsight, Sam didn't own Luke a damn thing, and Luke knew that.

"_Alright Lukey Bear we'll play this little game what exactly did I tell Andy?_" Sam said sarcastically, a small part of him was terrified that she might actually have told him what he said, about his feelings for her, but then again if she had then Luke would have come in swinging, not talking then swinging.

"_Come on Sammy, you know and I know there's only one thing that you could tell her that could ruin everything._" He said, cracking a half smile.

_"And that would be?_" Sam questioned, yet again.

"_That I slept with Jo, I know you told her, and that's why she showed up at my hotel room the night before **our** wedding,_" Luke rose his voice when he spoke.

Sam didn't want to get into this here, in a bar that all their colleagues and friends went to, it wasn't far to Andy, her dirty laundry didn't need to be aired in the middle of a bar. He shook his head before he spoke, "_You know what Luke I'm not doing this here, it's not fair to Andy, and since you won't leave, I will._" He grabbed his jacket and walked out to his truck.

He searched for his keys in his pocket, going through his little altercation with Luke he realized something, Luke had made it clear that Andy knew about his affair with Jo but never once said she felt, as far as he could tell the wedding was still very much on and Andy was going to marry Luke in, he glanced down at his watch, 10 hours. _Great_. He thought.

_Vv_

**Let me know what you guys think!**


	4. Familiar Roads

**These chapters aren't flowing out of me like I'd like them too, but I knew you guys needed an update.**

**A/N: All your comments and reviews are really helpful to me on which direction I should take this, so enjoy! And let me know what you think,**

**Sorry, in advance for the short chapter!**

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><p>He thought about leaving, taking a job,<em> any<em> UC job of get away from here, before this afternoon preferably. But that would mean he would be running, running from his feelings and running from the truth like somehow going under would help him forget about what was happening, she was getting married and not to him.

Right now he knew two things for certain, **one** no matter where he went he would feel an ache in his chest every time he took a breath, and he'd be reminded of her, as his lungs deflated with air, he'd miss her, and **lastly** no matter where he went he wouldn't be able to forget about her but he could try his best  
>to throw himself into an opt, lose himself in a way.<p>

He knew how to not lose yourself in an opt but maybe this time, this once and only time he'd forget everything he knew to remain sane, and lose himself, 100% in the job.

Clearly he was having a rough time with this he had just walked away from a far game fight with the Division's very own Golden Boy Detective, all to save _her_ feels, she wasn't even there was he was protecting her, she didn't deserve a black and blue groom, because he knew if they had decided to duke it out Luke would have lost just like he did on retraining day. A small smile of satisfaction crept up on his face, reminiscing of the beating he gave him.

_Where do I go from here?_ He thought.

He didn't know what to do with himself, he knew they had never been together, officially or anything like that but deep down he felt like she would realize sooner or later that they were meant to be and they'd finally get together with ease and grace.

He frowned slightly, realizing that he was wrong, she wasn't going to end up with him, because she was with Luke.

_Vv_

She debated for awhile on what to do next after she left Luke's room, where ever she went would have to be in walking distance considering she wasn't able to take his car after she broke up with him, because eventually she'd have to give it back and that would be too much awkward tense for her to handle.

Stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets, she walks out of the hotel feeling lighter than she had in along time, maybe it was being free of the ring, the expectations that came along with it or maybe it was her finally not suppressing her feelings anymore, her feelings for Sam anymore?

Walking in no particular direction she realized she didn't know where to go, she couldn't back to her place with Luke because, well, it was their place and what if he was there. She thought about Traci? Maybe, but it was god knows what time, and she didn't want to disturb Leo.

Not yet deciding where to go she allowed her feet to travel where they may. She thought about Sam, and where to go next with him, she couldn't decide if his confession was the reason she ended things with Luke, or was it just perfect timing?

As her feet stepped on the cool pavement, she continued to deal with the internal question of what made her decide to officially end it with Luke, she knew that her heart wasn't 1000% in their relationship because there was always a sliver of hope when it came to Sam, but she truly thought he didn't want her so she suppressed her feelings for him and focused solely on Luke.

_ Whatta brilliant plan_ she muttered under her breath.

_It wouldn't be fair to marry him, eventually somewhere down the line it would have ended; badly_. She thought, her mind still not knowing where exactly to go. _It was for the best, even if he doesn't understand that now._

She continued her walk, with every step she took, she slowly accepting that her feelings for Sam weren't small, they were big, she could feel it, in her chest, it was the way he looked at her, how she could feel her stomach flip whenever she gave her a dimply smile, it was the way he called her _McNally_, in his husky voice.

He was so open with her, he opened himself up to her and she shut him down, she asked him to leave, and she cursed herself for it.

But she knew how that felt, she went to his house the night of the black out and he said it was what it was, and that hurt, she felt destroyed and now from what Luke said, Sam encouraged Luke to give her another chance.

_God, this is so messy up_. She thought.

_Vv_

They were both at a crossroad, Sam thought that she had gone through with it, and Andy knew it what she was doing wasn't fair to either of them but right now she knew she was no longer with Luke, and she also knew she needed Sam.

Sam wanted to see her, he had this feeling in his gut that was partially pushing him out the door, he thought for some reason if he saw her one more time, if he said just the right thing she'd leave with him.

That he could say something to her, anything that might prove to her he was serious, he was all in, and this, them, could work, not because they partially hooked up once, but because he needed her, he needed to see her everyday, he wanted too.

He always needed to know she was okay, whether it was a simple drive home because she refused to get a vehicle and it was the dead of night or if it was after she put herself in a dangerous situation and he needed to see for himself she was okay, to touch her face and know she was still here, with him.

She would realize he was the right decision not Luke, _god not Luke_, because Luke didn't love her like he did, he wasn't there when she needed him.  
>She continued to walk, she didn't know where he feet were taking her but she let them lead, step by step she got closer to her unknown destination, toying with what to do next.<p>

She desperately wanted to see Sam, just let him know what was going on with her, with Luke, with them.

But she didn't want him to think he was the rebound, he was more than that, and he needed to know it.

Eventually she looked at her surroundings, they vaguely looked familiar but she wasn't too sure where she had seen them before. Her eyes roamed the streets looking for any tell tale sign of why this place looked so familiar, like it was a distant memory locked away in her mind only to be released at this very moment.

Twisting her neck around, looking, then she saw **it,** the grey Ford truck parked in the driveway, _Sam_.

She walked up the steps to his door, she thought about knocking but if she did, what the hell would she say? _'Hey, so I know I asked you to leave after you told me you had feelings for me but guess what? I dumped Luke, wanna grab a drink and talk it out?'_

Gently rocking from foot to foot, she debated internally on knocking, planning out scenarios in her mind of what she could, would say to him when she finally saw him. Her nerves radiated through out her body, she was scared, scared he was going to do what she did to him, ask him to leave.

She couldn't take it if he did, she wouldn't be able to handle it, she had never been one of lacked confidence but when it came to him, she forgot all she knew.

His presence made her feel like jelly, and fill any and all awkward moments with random rambling about nothing that was important, he did that to her. He made her nervous, but in the best way possible.

As she was about to knock, she felt a hand on her shoulder, nearly jumping out of her skin, she turned to see would the hell was touching her.

They locked eyes, she just looked at him, staring really, soaking up all his confidence, and hard exterior.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

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><p><strong>Don't hate me! I'll be updated soooooon! I promise.<strong>


	5. Strangers and Front Doors

**You guys can thank the idiot in my econ class for arguing with my prof about being from a family of farmers, for long enough that I got bored of listening to them banter back and forth that I started writing this chapter, and it's longer then I normally do so enjoy!**

**A/N: Any and all grammatical errors I blame on my tired state!**

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><p>She just looked at him, she didn't know what to do..<p>

He was the last person she expected to see here, at Sam's doorstep, at this time of night.

_"McNally, what the hell are you doing here, aren't you supposed to be walking down the aisle with Challaghan in a matter of hours?"_ He asked, his whole exterior was cold, he seemed spooked to see her there, s

he was the last person that he expected to find standing here.

_"Well, uhhh, that's really none of your business now is it,_" She didn't know how close he and Challaghan were but she wasn't about to start running around telling everyone who had two ears and was willing to listen that her and Luke had split up the night before the wedding.

_"Jeeze, I was just asking a question"_ He said, backing away slightly,_ "you know if I was Lukey Boy I wouldn't be too happy to learn that you were standing at your old TO's doorstep the night before our nuptials_." He couldn't really care less who she was with, she would have to deal with all the drama that came along with dating multiple people from 15.

They were in a stare off, he wasn't going anywhere; clearly, and she wasn't about to give up the reason why she was standing at Sam's doorstep.

_"McNally, listen, it's freezing cold here because it's.._" He pulled his phone out of his pocket, checking for the time,_ "It's 3:45 am, don't you girls need your beauty sleep?_"

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, she didn't know what to say, she didn't want to get into it here, telling some detective she barely knew her life story, followed by her current life problems.

_"I was just here to see Sam, for a reason that has nothing to do with you,_" She tried to sound confident but on the inside she was terrified.

He was a superior office, hell he was a detective and she was basically telling him that she was here to see Sam, for reasons that he could probably put together once he heard that Luke and her broke up.

And if he was the son of a bitch that everyone described him to be than he could easily go tell Luke that he found her standing at Swarek's doorsteps hours after she dumped him.

Then _all hell would break lose. _

"_Since I really don't need to tell you why I'm here because you shouldn't be, but it looks like you're not leaving anytime soon, I'm here to deal with Swarek's stuff._" Air quoting the last bit of his sentence.

She was so confused, '_stuff_', what kind of stuff did Sam needed taken care of that he couldn't do himself.

_"Uhh, okay? Why can't Sam deal with this stuff himself?"_ She questioned, maybe it was her lack of sleep, or her mental exhaustion, but either way she couldn't figure out why _he_ was **here**, taking care of _Sam_'s **stuff**.

He laughed to himself, _"Listen I get you're a rookie and you might still be a little slow with these things, but I'm here because Sam can't be because.._" He trailed off, hoping she'd clue in at some point.

_"SAM WENT UNDER?!_" She asked, and started at the same time, in shock.

_"Not as dumb as she looks forks!"_ He practically yelled in the quiet neighborhood.

Her mouth felt dry, she couldn't form words, not knowing what to do or say at this moment.

She was crushed, she felt like her world was at a standstill, she needed to talk to him, and she wasn't going to be able to move on with this, until they spoke.

Whether she talked to Sam about them, or if they finally decided to call off whatever they were, either way there was no resolution. They need to talk about it, all of it, everything, the big things, and the minor ones.

He needed to know that turning him away broke her heart, but she did it to protect him.

She couldn't put him through being the other guy, knowing that Luke isn't going to take the break up lightly, she wasn't going to let the people around them think he was a home wrecker.

She knew that the people around them, their close friends would know the truth but it was the other people. The ones who would whisper and stare when they saw Sam, or her, and she couldn't put him through that, she wouldn't.

_"Rook? You still in there?"_ He asked, waving his hand closely in front her face.

It was the fact that she was standing there like an idiot, while** Boyd** stood there telling her Sam was gone.

_"Detective Boyd, is there uhh, is there anyway I could see him, Sam I mean before he leaves?_" She asked meekly, she had to surrender to him, she had no choice.

Right now Boyd was here only connection to Sam, her only chance at seeing him before he was gone for only God knows how long.

_"Do you hear yourself right now?!_" He questioned, completely floored that she'd even ask. "_You want to see Sammy before he leaves, get inside his head and then let him leave, no, hell no in fact! I need Sammy's head in the game, I need him to 100% focused on this assignment_,"

Her eyes were glued to the ground, she felt like she was a child, being scolded for eating too much candy or punching her kid cousin in the stomach. She zoned out on Boyd's little fit he was having over her wanting to see Sam.

_"Do you know how much time and money has gone into this?! And what I don't understand about all of this, is why **you** of all people want to see Sam, why do you care where he goes?_" He stopped talking and tried to get his breathing under control.

As he huffed and puffed, Andy was thinking of a valid response.

_"Even if I let you, which I'm not, Sam's already gone,_" He told her, still trying to calm himself down.

_"What do you mean he's already gone, I saw him a few hours ago?_" She questioned him, she understood that this things happened quickly but not that quickly.

Sam would have said something to her before just disappearing in the middle of the night, it wouldn't have been obvious, just something in passing that she would realize after he was gone what it meant.

_"Not that this is any of your business but, I offered Sammy a job a couple of days ago, he said he'd sleep on it and let me know, and about 2 hours I got a call from, yup, you guessed it; Sammy saying he'd take the job but first he had deal with something or someone, I can't really remember I was half asleep, anyways, I'm here to tie up loose ends on my end, and then Swarek said he'd meet me in St. Catherines' at the Port Dalhousie bus station at 9am tomorrow morning. So now my young little rookie it's time for you to walk away from this, you're going to leave Sam alone because he's already gone, let him go and for the love of god don't ruin this opt for him, like you did the last time okay?_"

She stood there, not responding, just thinking, '_who would Sam have to see in St. Catherines?_' Her mind was racing through everything they had ever talked about. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks, "_Sarah_" She muttered, as she began to walk down the steps.

_"What did you say Rook?_" Boyd asked, puzzled by her sudden demeanor change.

_"Nothing, thanks Sir, you're right I should let him focus on the task at hand.."_ She trailed off as she was finally down the steps and on to her next destination.

_Vv_

That had been the longest car ride she had ever endured, not so much the distance but the time, every second she drove she could feel him slipping away, losing him bit by bit and not knowing when she would, _if_ she would ever get him back.

After abruptly leaving her awkward encounter with Boyd, she dug her phone out of her pocket and called her dad, asked if she could borrow his car.

Of course he was stunned and worried at the odd request at this time of night but none the less, he was there waiting for her with keys in hand and a quick little lecture about being careful, especially driving at this time of night.

Once he finally let her leave, she was off, only stopping for gas and washroom break, she called in a favor or two and got Sarah's last known address, it took her exactly one hour and twenty-three minutes to get to her doorstep.

At first she was nervous, there was this pit in her stomach, she was scared he wasn't going to be there but where else could he possibly be? All his friends were in Toronto to the best of her knowledge, and the only family he ever mention was Sarah, so he had to be here.

A feeling of calm set over her when she saw his truck, well she wasn't too sure if it was his, but it was grey and a Ford pick-up.

Killing the engine after pulling into the driveway of a cute, little house, with a nicely kept garden on either sides of the doorway, with grey bricking hugging the frame of the house, it looked friendly, inviting and homey.

She sat in her car for a couple of minutes, thinking of what to say, she took a huge leap of faith driving up here like this, and just showing up at his sister's door. But she needed to see him before he left, he needed to hear her out.

Gathering all of her strength she opened the car door, and walked up the few steps leading her to the doorway.

As she got closer, her confidence grew, and once she reached the doormat she knocked on the door, with meaning.

Her confidence dissolved quickly as she waited, nervously, she began to doubt herself, what if was the wrong house? And she was just knocking at some strangers door at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Better yet, what if Sam wasn't even there? Stepping back slowly, hoping that no one heard her knock and she could get out of there without anyone noticing.

On her way to begin her mad dash for her vehicle, the door opened and she turned back around, plastering a half smile across her face trying not to look crazy.

_"Hi, uhh this is going to sound slightly insane but uhh is your name Sarah Swarek by chance?"_ She asked looking the woman in the eye.

She looked about mid-thirties, with long brown hair that had a gorgeous beach wave to it, her eyes reminded her of Sam's but then again that could have just been Andy's mind playing tricks on her.

She waited as the woman stared at her with a blank look on her face, turning her head the lady opened her mouth, "_Sammy, I believe you have a visitor_..." She spoke, before turning around completely and walking away.

Leaving Andy standing in the doorway, with an open door, and a light morning breeze surrounding her.

_"Sar, you must be losing it because no one knows I'm he-_" He stopped talking as soon as he saw her, unable to complete his current sentence or form a new one.

_"Hi_." She said, waving her hand at him.

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><p><strong>It's my birthday weekend and I'm working a bunch of shifts at work, so I might not be able to update this weekend but if I don't have a happy thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians out there! <strong>

**And don't hate me for the cliff hanger, they're fun just not for you guys! Sorry!**

**Let me know what you guys thought? **

**Comments, Reviews all that fun stuff! **


	6. Cause for Celebration

**Okayyyy, I apologize for the lack of updates with this one, I want to mention that this chapter has been half done for a while, I just didn't know how I wanted this to go. **

**I've gotten a ton of negative feedback lately from These Are The Best Years, so I think I may take a break for a while from that story, I just get so invested in the story, and people's negative comments can really block the want to write.**

**Anyways, sorry again for the lack of updates, it's a little shorter but none the less enjoy!**

**I apologize for any and all grammatical errors!**

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><p>He decided after walking around his place to leave.<p>

It had been two weeks since Boyd had called, "_Hey Sammy, I have a job for you_," Boyd spoke through the phone.

He hadn't called in awhile, and it was nice for Sam to get back into the swing of things. He finally had gotten used to his bed again, building a new routine, getting up, going to work on the streets, being a TO again, going to the Penny with his friends, poker night with the guys and seeing her. He was in a good place, he was happy to be back.

He wasn't ready to leave that again, unlike the last time he had reasons to stay, she was a reason to stay. After he found out about her engagement he thought about going under, leaving but he couldn't do it, he couldn't make that call. But now things were different she was marrying Luke, Jerry had Traci, Oliver and the Mrs. were happy for once. Everyone had someone but him.

So he made the call, _"Sammy, tell me you're calling me with good news!"_ Boyd asked.

_"Yeah, I do actually, the Brennan job, I'm in_," He said, knowing that there was no going back now, he was leaving again.

He could hear Boyd celebrating through the other end of the phone, "_Bartender, get me a shot of tequila! I am celebrating!_"

Rolling his eyes, he cleared his throat to reminder Boyd he was still on the phone, "_I need to say goodbye to someone before I go, I know it's not normally what I do but I just need to_,"

_"Listen, Sammy you say goodbye to whoever you need to.."_ Sam could heard an abrupt silence and then the slamming noise of an empty shot glass hitting the bar top.

_"I'll meet you at the Port Dalhousie bus station in St. Catherine's at 9am Sunday morning,"_ He spoke, as he headed to his bedroom.

_"See you then Sammy!_"

And just like that the phone call was over, the plan set in motion in less than 48 hours he would be going under.

He walked over to his closet, pulling out a dufflebag, he shoved his dark blue jeans, a dark red Henley long sleeve shirt, his black track pants, a basic white tee, some socks, a couple pairs of boxers, before zipping it up and dropping it beside his feet.

Only needing enough clothing to last him until Sunday, he'd get anything he desperately needed once he got to his cover apartment.

His eyes drifted around the room, soaking up as much as he could, he'd be gone for as long as needed. He looked out his window, trying to memorize the nightly view from his second floor.

Looking at the picture of him, Oliver and Jerry that he placed on his dresser, the one of him and Sarah right beside it.

Making a phone call for a taxi to pick him up, and take him to the train station, from there he'd take the train to St. Catherines.

He knew he needed to see Sarah before he left, he just needed to know she was going to be okay, and make sure she knew what to do in case anything happened.

Hearing the honk from the taxi, he picked up his bag, he walked down the stairs, grabbing his black leather jacket on his way out the door, locking it for the last time, before placing the key under the planter next to front door.

Vv

She was the last person he expected to see, standing there in all her glory, in St. Catherines, at his sister's front door.

At first he thought maybe it was a dream, or his mind playing tricks on him, she was suppose to be walking down the isle with Challaghan in a matter of hours, what was she doing here?

She looked at him, he at her.

Sarah had decided it would be best if she went upstairs to her room, give them sometime to talk; alone. She knew when Sam showed up out of the blue like he did tonight that something was up, he only really came around when he needed someone there for him, just a person who knew him.

Never pushing for information she just talked to him, about nothing of importance really, nothing about their parents, or their lives, just the basics, there was no pressure that way, no way it could end in a fight. But when he showed up this time he looked different, not in a new haircut or fresh pair of jeans but his whole demeanor was different. When she last spoke to him, he had just been busted by some stupid doe-eyed Rookie, and then he seemed happy to be back in his old routine, being a T.O. the occasional phone call she received, she picked up quickly that there was definitely a girl. And now at 3 am there was a girl standing at her front door. The girl that had clearly gotten under her little brother's skin, and captured his heart.

He could hear Sarah creeping up the stairs, he assumed to her bedroom.

_"I uhh, I needed to see you,"_ She spoke, breaking his concentration as he stared at her. She knew coming here there was a chance he wouldn't want to talk to her, but she needed to at least try. "_I needed to talk to you,"_ She bit her lip gently, she was nervous of what he could say or do.

_"Andy, what are you doing here?"_ He whispered softly, he wanted her to be there for him, to finally be with him.

Feeling overwhelmed she took a step back, "_I told you already, I needed to talk to you, I needed to see you, I needed to see with my own eyes that you're still here, even if that's not for much longer, I just needed to see you one last time, before you know... "_ She trailed off, she knew he was leaving.

_"Before you leave?"_ He asked, he let his mouth fall open. If she needed to come all the way out here to see him before, she walked down the aisle? Or left for her honeymoon? The confusion of her statement had him furrowing his brows.

_"No, before you leave?"_ She said, challenging what he was saying. He was the one going under, and she was staying here.

He thought about asking her how she knew, about him leaving to go under, about where he was. But right now he was more concerned about what she was doing here, the day of her wedding. _"Uhh, McNally, aren't you suppose to be getting married today? To golden boy? Then I assume he's going to whisk you off to some five star hotel on some tropical island for a week, maybe two."_ The words burned his lips as the left his mouth, the idea of her marrying Luke after everything he did made his stomach flip.

_"No, I'm not._" Her eyes were glued to her feet, she didn't know why she felt so nervous about talking to Sam, but this time it was different, this time there were feelings involved, real feelings.

He was definitely dreaming, there was no possible way that she would have called off the wedding, found out where he was, and now be standing in front of him, on his sisters front porch.

Stepping backward, he let her walk through the door.

She let the heat envelop her, along with the scent of her new surroundings.

He waited, trying to figure out what was real, and see if he was really dreaming."_Are you telling me that you are not marrying Luke today?_" He whispered, looking into her eyes, awaiting a response.

She shook her head, neither of them breaking eye contact.

_"So, can I ask you what you're doing here, in St. Catherines, I mean"_ he said to her, it's not that he wasn't happy she wasn't marrying Luke but when he last saw her she made it clear that this; them, weren't going to work.

_"I uhh, I wanted to see you, talk to you, before you left._" It hurt to think of him leaving, not being there anymore, not being her partner anymore, sure Oliver, Traci, Dov were great but they weren't Sam. They didn't make her feel safe, the way he did. They also didn't drive her crazy like he did.

He debated on what to say to her next, he wanted to know why she wanted to see him? What would she have to gain from seeing his face again before he went under. "_Talk about what exactly_?" He knew what he wanted to talk to her about, but he had no idea what would come out of her mouth, that was half the fun of getting to know her.

_"You know the weather, what's going to happen once you leave, do you need me to uhh, water your plants? Get your mail?_" She knew she was rambling, he knew it too.

_"You came all the way here, in the middle of the night, to ask me if I want you to water my plants?"_ He laughed, she was a mess right now, but to him, she was his mess.

"_Of course, not I uhh.._" She thought about rambling more, but her brain decided to stop her.

_"McNally..."_ He said, letting the way he said her name fill the quiet, living room.

_"I uhh, I came her to tell you I'm not marrying Luke, I wanted to tell you that I chose Luke after the blackout because he was the stable one, the reliable one, the one I should be with, I spent my entire life trying to find stable ground, first my mom left and then my dad started drinking, it was so difficult to just find strength and stability in my life. That why I became a cop, be dependable, reliable, safe. And uh, I, you were my training officer, and that was just against the rule, then Luke asked me to move in with him and then he purposed, and I said yes. Everything go so off track, I uh, I thought I loved him, and I thought I had gotten over what I felt for you, but then you uhh, you showed up at my door the night before my wedding and,_" She tried to fight back the tears, but all the emotions in her body wanted to come out, wiping the tears that had escaped from her eyes, quickly, before she continued.

"_And then you showed up at my door, and you said all these things to me and I asked you to leave, and once you did I felt empty, I felt different, so I went to Luke's hotel room and told him I couldn't do it, I couldn't marry him when my heart wasn't in it, so then I went to your house, and I ran into Boyd, he told me you were leaving, but before you did, you were going to St. Catherine's to see someone. I put the pieces together, I knew Sarah lived here, so I drove up here,_" She let out a huge sigh, before looking at him again.

His face looked humbled, not it's normal stern look, it looked warmer than usual.

_"I drove you here, to tell you that I'm in Sam, I want this, I want us, okay? And I know you're leaving but uhh.._" He stepped towards her, placing his fingers under her chin, guiding it, so they were eye to eye again.

_"Is this a dream McNally?"_ He asked, "_Because if it is I really don't want to wake up anytime soon._"

In that moment he looked at her, really looked at her and decided to be truly selfless.

He couldn't leave, not after all of this, not after everything she just said to him.

_"Sam, it's not a dream, I'm right here, I'm here with you_," She told him, placing her hand on his chest.

With that he grabbed the back of her neck pulling her into a kiss that he had been imagining since the night of the blackout. Their lips fused together, she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer.

When the air became too great, they pulled away from each other realizing that they had managed to pin Andy against the wall, one of Sam's legs between hers.

_"I've wanted to do that for a long, long time,_" He whispered in her ear, with a raspy breath.

_"Sam..."_ She said trailing off, placing her forehead in the side of his neck

She didn't want to say it, she didn't want to ruin this moment, but, it had to be said. _"You, uhh, you leave, tomorrow morning_," She said, not moving from her current position.

_"I uhh, I know_." He said, slamming his eyes shut.

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